I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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