apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
