Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
