he thought i was a dude.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
