So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
