apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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