He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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