wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
