I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize