my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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