My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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