so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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