Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
