i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i think i just lost a toe
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
