she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize