Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
there is glitter all over my balls
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