so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
