my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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