So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
