I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
