Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
