; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
