its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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