I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
