they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
