dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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