all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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