You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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