So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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