i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
