I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
