mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
