i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize