just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
