so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
