my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
