At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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