why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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