I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's like iHOP with fire
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
