Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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