I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
