That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
That's intense
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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