Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
