I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
