Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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