Moan for me like Helen Keller
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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