im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
