I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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