I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
