he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
