just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
