i don't want you to think of me as your TA
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize