don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just high enough for therapy.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
