I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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