Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
