Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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