I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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