She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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