Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
