well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
