You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
