i love accidental penises.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
