Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
