He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
