Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
