Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
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