i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
