I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
