i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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