She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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