Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
